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About HZ, Faith, Family, Farm Life, Homeschool, LIfestyle, Parenting, Uncategorized

The life behind the blogger -HZ

I want to be a noticer of the good and eager to speak the rare word, a kind word. -Lysa Terkeurst

I am a true believer that there is good and bad in this world. It is my responsibility to make the daily choice of which of those categories I am going to fall into. I want to be the kind of person who see’s the good in the world. Am I perfect, nope. I am a work in progress, and I know that I am growing into who God is calling me to be daily.

So, who am I?

  • I am blessed to be the wife of a pretty awesome guy. We have been married for eleven years. Fun fact, We have been best friends since we were twelve years old.
  • I am the mom of five crazy, amazing, blessings.
  • I am a dreamer. I enjoy exploring the future in my mind. Remembering that my tomorrow is not restricted by my today.
  • I love country living. Goats, chickens, horses, cows, a few dogs, and a garden… Yep, that is me.
  • I am a homeschool mom. Does that make me a little crazy? Possibly. Although I enjoy all of the ups and downs that come with the daily journey of raising our little blessings.
  • Last, certainly not least… actually most importantly, I am a lover of my Heavenly Father. Everyday I am given the opportunity to walk in the love of Jesus, and share that with others.

We all have ups and downs in our lives, it is up to us what we do with them. I am a strong believer that my past doesn’t define my future. I have grown to be who I am through the good and the bad in my past, and I am so grateful to be who I am today. I am excited to use this blog to share my thoughts & life adventures with you all.

Let’s go a little deeper…

  • It is my hope that we can enjoy the craziness of my busy life together. I’m sure we will share lots of laughs, adventure, occasional tears, and excitement.
  • Fun topics to come: Food, because who doesn’t love to eat? Mom life, and the craziness of our five kiddos. DIY, we are big on DIY! Wife life, because sometimes we all need a little girl talk.
  • If you have found my page, then this blog is for you. I want to be an encouragement to you. So laugh at me… I mean with me. Lets laugh together as my blog grows.

Stick around and lets see what comes next for this newbie blogger.

Faith, LIfestyle

Faith through the unfair…

We have all heard the words, especially if you’re a mom. Most, if not all of us, have said them multiple times ourselves. You know what I am talking about, it’s the smallest of phrases, but with it brings a lot of big emotions. “That’s not fair”, I am fairly certain one of my children utters these three little words at least once a day, some days closer to a thousand. Okay, obviously not a thousand, but you get my point.

Fair, what is it? Obviously it’s something that is relatable to the young and the old. Yet at the same time, it can hold very different meanings to us all. For example, our oldest son has a genetic disorder that has caused him some digestive issues. His favorite food is salsa from one of our local restaurants. This is a common request of his, and is generally met with a “I’m sorry Bubba, we cant go eat that, it will upset your tummy”. In which he usually replies with “that’s not fair”. To him, it is unfair. As his parents, we feel it’s unfair of us to just give in and let him eat it. We understand the consequence it has on his little body. While he doesn’t like the answer, he understands it. Sometimes, a lot of the time, life isn’t fair. What he does understand is our love for him in this decision. He trust us, which makes the unfair seem a little more bearable.

How many times in life have I told God, “Lord, it’s just not fair”. I promise you, I have had my fair share of trials, and I am sure there are many more to come. My hope is that as I learn to walk out these “not fair” moments, I can grow closer to God and understand what his view of fair is for me. The fact of the matter is, life doesn’t have to be fair for me to enjoy it. I don’t have to have, nor do I need, things to be my way. Is it nice sometimes? Sure it is… but I don’t want it to always be fair.

You see, some of my biggest growth moments have been when life wasn’t fair. When my husband and I were first married, he was in the United States Marine Corps. We were a younger couple back then, and I found myself surrounded by lots of other young married couples. Some times were great, others were dramatic. Lots of young married couples, most barely out of high-school. His first duty station was actually pretty great. It was a small base with a small specialty unit, so all the spouses were close and we were friends. In fact most of us built life long friendships there. After a couple of years there, we were moved to the fleet. The fleet was different. It was large and a totally different aspect in comparison to what I had known. Suddenly there was drama and figuring who liked you and who didn’t. It was like being thrown into high-school in a large city… and I was home-schooled growing up, so it was definitely different for me.

I wont begin to say I was perfect, because I wasn’t. I was finding my way, and began to make some friends. In doing so, I also found out those who weren’t my friends. So of course, I tried what my Mamma had always told me “You will be kind to others, even if they aren’t kind to you”. My mom was always one to tell me “Life’s not fair, you are responsible for your actions, not theirs”. So now was my chance to put that into play. There was one couple my husband and I struggled with. It made it easier that they weren’t in our group of friends, but harder because this guy was with my husband when he deployed. Long story short, we invested in these people. We tried to be kind, and when it back fired, I was mad. It wasn’t fair. That’s all I saw was how unfair it was to me. This person was now hurting me. All I could think about was how I had “sacrificed” and “been kind” to her. I was stuck in my own pity party of unfairness.

Do you sense a learning lesson coming for me? Hold tight… it’s going to happen.

So I ignored how I was raised, and with my friends cheering me on, I let loose. I let her have it. It was terrible, it was wrong, and to this day I wish I could take it back. You see, this girl had told lies to try and hurt me, but what I did was even worse. I through her real life hurts and pains at her. All the most intimate details I could use to hurt her, that’s what I did. While lies are no fun, at the end of the day they are just a lie. They held no truth and had no bearing on me as a person. How I responded to them, that is all on me. To this day, I still carry that regret in my heart. How could I be so selfish? I was learning a hard lesson, and it was one I needed to learn.

You see, all of those friends who cheered me on as I hurt this girl, they suddenly were different. I was sharp with my words when I hurt her, and they realized they didn’t want to risk being on the receiving end of that. They didn’t want to get on my bad side. I was kind of shocked, because I had always been the “nice friend”. I was the one who didn’t get into the drama. Now I had shown a side of myself that even I didn’t know existed, and I was reaping the consequences. All because I thought someone had treated me unfairly. Truth be told, the other girl in the story, she was the one who had been dished a lot of “unfair” in life, and I used those pains to hurt her even more. She moved back home to where her family lived, and never came back to our military life. How could I be so cruel?

In time, I began to realize my mistake, but it was too late. The girl had moved away, and I withdrew from my group. I didn’t know how to be the girl I had to be to hang out with those friends. I didn’t want to be what I was becoming. My husband and I kept to ourselves a lot in his final several months there. Not long before moving home, I found myself experiencing one of the biggest “that’s not fair” moment’s of my life. I lost someone who I loved dearly. He was like a brother to me, and I was falling apart. All I wanted to do was get back to Texas to be with my friends and family. My Facebook page was very transparent about my pain, I was in a painful place and I didn’t know what to do. None of my friends reached out… I was alone.

Then, she reached out to me. You know, the girl I was so horrible to that she moved away… She called me. She gave me compassion, she gave me mercy, and she gave me love. That day was a day of healing between us both. We apologized for how we had treated each other. We both felt terrible about it and we forgave each other. Now, we both agreed that there was no budding best friend relationship going to follow… but in that moment, in that day, we were close friends crying it out together. We had both grown into better versions of ourselves through the unfair pain we had inflicted on each other, and now we were finding forgiveness and healing together. We actually haven’t spoken again since that day, yet it is a day I will remember forever.

I learned that acting out in the moments that I feel are unfair, will lead to more pain than it will healing. It was one of the hardest lessons of my life, but God really revealed my heart to me at that time. For the first time in years, I began to grow closer to God again. That time of my life has set a mold for how I deal with the unfair moments that come up to this day. I choose to choose God, and who he has called me to be. He calls me to build people up and show his love. His love gives me the strength to grow during some of the most difficult times of our lives. He calls me to walk in a love and forgiveness that can only come from him. That girl I told you about earlier, she showed me love in the face of one of the biggest “unfair” moments in her life, a moment I was responsible for. She showed me the love of Jesus.

You are probably wondering how this applies to you, right? I don’t know what has been unfair in your life. Heck, I am still trying to make sense of some unfair in my own life. But, what I do know is the love of our Heavenly Father. I do know that he never forsakes me in it, and he doesn’t forsake you either. In fact, it is in the hardest times in my life that my faith has grown the most. In those moment’s of trial and suffering when I turn to the Lord, he gives me strength and he sustains me. I started this story with an example of my son not being able to eat his favorite food. Just as he trust his dad and I to know better than he does, that we are looking out for his greater good… we have to trust God in the same way. He knows the bigger picture. He knows how far we can stretch, so we have to trust him in that.

We will all have times of trial when life just doesn’t seem fair. Those days that seem to never end, that things just couldn’t get any worse. My challenge to you is to seek the Lord in those moments. Give him your heaviness, and accept his strength. Know that what we see as unfairness in our lives, may be a new opportunity to grow closer with our God. We can let our moments of “that’s not fair” become faith building moments. Instead of focusing on what we can see, lets trust what God see’s and what he calls “fair”.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” James 1:2-3

About HZ, Faith, Family, Homeschool, LIfestyle, Parenting

Where to start…

I am fairly excited about my first “real” blog post. Then again, I don’t want to spend a ton of time obsessing over the fact that this is exactly that, my first “real” post. Haha, that makes sense, right? No? Okay, needless to say, I might be a little over excited… and possibly overthinking, so I will dive right in.

Have you ever woke up and thought “ugh, I don’t want to do today”, or generally thought that ignoring the alarm and going back to sleep would somehow make waking up a second time, easier? Let’s be honest, we have all had mornings like that. For me personally, probably more than I would like to admit. Most people refer to it as the as the dreaded Monday morning. For me it was always trying to get five kids out the door on Tuesday morning for tumble class. Why I ever thought that was a good idea, is beyond me. I think in the future we will keep those classes scheduled for evening classes, because… my sanity matters.

Needless to say, I am not a morning person. I like my late nights, later mornings, black out curtains, noise fans… all of it. I like to sleep. Unfortunately, my husband is a morning person. He enjoys watching the sunrise, the smell of coffee (yuck), and smiling bright and early in the morning. Yeah, he is one of those. I am currently watching him do morning chores with a cup of coffee in his hand and a smile on his face. I know, it’s not normal. It can’t be, or can it? This is where I am at now. I am trying early mornings, being more productive, and teaching our kids to get out of bed in the morning. At the moment our nearly ten year old is making his objections well known. Poor kid, I feel for him… quite literally. My brain is saying “why are we up, whats going on?”. My eyes might be objecting to the glare on my laptop as well… all the while, here I am. In the midst of our morning objections, our seven year old is excitedly doing her morning chores along side her dad. Yep, her daddy’s genetics are winning out there. My loving husband has now moved on to explaining to our nine year old the benefits of waking up early. All the while, said nine year old has put on a dark hoodie, and pulled it over his head. Yep, there I am, I can see myself in him clearly in this moment.

You see, my husband was raised by two loving parents, who are morning people. They enjoyed going to bed at nine at night, and waking up by 6:30 in the morning, at the latest. I was raised by two loving parents as well, only mine were not morning people. Well, I will give it to my dad, he actually was. Just not so much my mom, I have her genetics. I am blaming her for my current state of disdain. My husband and I were both homeschooled, so we were taught to live on our parents schedules. His parents had a bright and early schedule, my parents were Registered Nurses who worked nights. With that said, we slept in… a lot. My mom tried to make a wake up schedule for my older sister and I several times, I think it worked better for her than it did us. We learned how to sleep in and crack out our “morning routine” before mom woke up. It was a win/win, we got our sleep and the “routine” was completed for mom. Worked great, right? Wrong. I can try and say we completed that routine daily, but that would be a lie. Did it happen on occasion? Sure, but only because my older sister made me. She likes charts, they motivated her. I know, she is weird.

All of this brings me to today. Morning person meets non-morning person, and what will work best for our kiddos. If I am being 100% honest, I know his way is better. Although I will say, I was a little proud of him when he hit the snooze button multiple times on the alarm this morning. Yup, I have worn off on him just a little bit. I will hug myself for that later. As for today, the kids are up… well half of them. We have agreed to let the toddlers/youngsters sleep a little later. No one needs a raging one, three, and four year old this early in the morning. So they can learn about routine later. For now, we will only torture our nine and seven year olds.

In all honesty, I am actually excited about this change. I know, I am shocked too. Once I get past the initial angst of waking up, I do enjoy mornings. There is something peaceful about them. Although, that may change as we continue to wake the kids up. For now, it is nice. The sunrise really is beautiful. I promise, I have seen it before today. Morning productivity is pretty awesome, too. My husband and I homeschool our children, and we prefer for daily schoolwork to be done by noon each day. This leaves lots of time for playtime, being a kid, and just doing life. I am excited about this choice, mostly for our kids. I know it will be good for them to get up and experience the full day.

With all of that said, welcome to early mornings, with me! A time that I look forward to my morning devotionals, quite time, and blogging. I hope you have enjoyed my first “real” blog post. Subscribe below to make sure you don’t miss any of my future post! I look forward to sharing more of my life with you.

I pray many blessings over all of you today. May God’s blessings pour over you as you go about your own daily tasks.